Sometimes it's an America's Next Top Model marathon from five years ago. Other days I'll watch a few hours of Home Improvement. I've watched too much Little People Big World. Ah, yes, daytime programming truly is a strange and beautiful thing.
Even more impressive than the shows in the middle of the day are the commercials. There are some seriously weird and semi-hazardous products out there. Below are my top five current favorites:
1. The Official Neckline Slimmer: a spring loaded contraption that when squeezed between your clavicle and chin, will firm and tighten your fat chicken neck. Comes with three springs of varying levels of resistance.
2. Latisse: the first and only FDA approved prescription treatment for inadequate or not enough lashes. I'm not sure what constitutes 'not enough' lashes, but apparently Brooke Shields is a sufferer who has finally found a solution to this devastating disease. She is the official spokesperson, and I hope she is ashamed of herself.
3. Bumpits: self gripping leave-in volumizing hair inserts. They come in four colors for 'perfect' color match. You'll also receive a complimentary mini bumpit, which gives you an unfortunately named 'bang bump.'
4. The PedEgg: A strange egg-shaped contraption that shaves callouses and dead skin from your feet. Drawback: you have to empty it of your heinous foot shavings after each use.
5. The Snuggie: a blanket with sleeves, allowing you to stay warm and use your arms at the same time. Say goodbye to the days of sitting uselessly under a blanket!
winner: anyone profiting from these products. seriously, kudos!
loser: Brooke Shields and anyone purchasing these products
auxiliary loser: Billy Mays (sorry, death automatically means you lose. RIP.)
2. Latisse: the first and only FDA approved prescription treatment for inadequate or not enough lashes. I'm not sure what constitutes 'not enough' lashes, but apparently Brooke Shields is a sufferer who has finally found a solution to this devastating disease. She is the official spokesperson, and I hope she is ashamed of herself.
3. Bumpits: self gripping leave-in volumizing hair inserts. They come in four colors for 'perfect' color match. You'll also receive a complimentary mini bumpit, which gives you an unfortunately named 'bang bump.'
4. The PedEgg: A strange egg-shaped contraption that shaves callouses and dead skin from your feet. Drawback: you have to empty it of your heinous foot shavings after each use.
5. The Snuggie: a blanket with sleeves, allowing you to stay warm and use your arms at the same time. Say goodbye to the days of sitting uselessly under a blanket!winner: anyone profiting from these products. seriously, kudos!
loser: Brooke Shields and anyone purchasing these products
auxiliary loser: Billy Mays (sorry, death automatically means you lose. RIP.)
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