'uncle' cliff and his expensive gifts

Every once in a while I have the pleasure of encountering a truly bizarre customer at Kid O. Last week while holding down the fort by myself, a beefy Miami beach-looking dude walked in and immediately came right up beside me at the counter, just a bit too close. I could tell he was one of those people with no regard for the personal space of others. He also didn't feel the need to obey common social norms, like staying in front of the counter at a store.

This is how it went down (it helps paint the picture better if you read all of his parts in a creepy, deep, beefcake-ish voice):
Him: (gesturing toward a wooden toddler bike) I want to buy this bike for a two month old.
Me: Well, that is very generous of you, but seeing as the child won't be able to use it for at least two years, perhaps I can recommend something along those lines for a younger--

He cut me off, and soon we settled on a ride-on toy that was appropriate for a one year old. It was our last one and had been out on the floor for a while, so I offered to clean it for him. As I began wiping it down, he decided to talk at me while leaning over the counter:
Him: I'm divorced. No kids. You know, it's real hard to find a good woman. Am I being too demanding? I've been drinking all day...
Me: Ummhmm. Do you want to fill out a gift card?
Him: Yeah but you write it. You have good handwriting? Put from Uncle Cliff. With Uncle in quotes.
Me: Okay...

Uncle Cliff with Uncle in quotes left without harming me or anyone else in the store.

Two days later, I saw a tall and beefy shirtless man wearing reflective sunglasses in my peripheral vision, and he barged into the store and stalked up to me, once again much too close.
Him: I don't know if you remember me.
Me: (taking two steps back) Oh I remember you.
Him: I need another gift. I want the same thing as the other day for a three week old. I'll pick it up later. I'm spending all this money on other people's kids so I'm going to go buy myself a present.

It was a much swifter transaction, but I couldn't shake the feeling that 'Uncle' Cliff was off to buy himself a hooker, get drunk, and diddle small children. Another day, another freak, I guess.

Below, enjoy a photo of Gary Busey, a similarly creepy person, though with less muscle.

winner: Kid O, I think, because at least we got a solid $400 out the dude
loser: the innocent children in 'Uncle' Cliff's life